I'm gonna have a badass scar
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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