im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
