She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
