Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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