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• (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think i scared a bird with my dick

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

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• (619): View more from California

  Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  The strangest confirmation message ever sent.

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