Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
