You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
