she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
