i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
