Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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