just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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