you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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