State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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