i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
