Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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