its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
