Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
