ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
