My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
