At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
