Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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