Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize