Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
