see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
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i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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