I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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