you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
