i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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