Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
