the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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