it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize