I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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