I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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