somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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