I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
