My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
