Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
