why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
