Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
