Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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