So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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