one two three fourrrrnication!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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