when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
