At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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