Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
