Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
