he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
