Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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