after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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