I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
