dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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