At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
