I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady