So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
