oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
