god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
