What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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