Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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