i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So vagazzling was a success
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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