her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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