If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
