i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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